I really had hoped to have this post written sometime in August just before we had our last baby; but since she came a couple of weeks early, I didn’t get it done in time. I still want to write it because I think I will still enjoy looking back at this and reading my feelings during this time in life.
I want to start by saying pregnancy is seriously an amazing, miraculous and beautiful thing. I feel so blessed to have provided a home for nine months for three amazing little humans. With that said though, it is also a very long and sometimes difficult journey. It is different for everyone and for so many the journey is difficult for months or years before they can even conceive and may still continue to be difficult once they are finally carrying the baby they have prayed so long for.
In my case, I have been incredibly lucky to have easily conceived for each of my babies. I have always been so grateful for that. Pregnancy was difficult for me with both of my little girls though. Girls seemed to rock my hormonal world and caused me to be incredibly sick for months and months. I mostly got relief around 18 weeks with each of them. Those times truly seem so far away now; but when you are in the midst of them, you feel like you may never feel okay again for the rest of your life. I know that seems dramatic, but it’s true. I felt like a lost about four months of my life with my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies because I was barely functioning. But guess what? Life still moves on and you best suck it up! So that’s what I tried to do.
I have never been the woman that loved being pregnant. I always swelled up and retained a lot of fluid. It didn’t make me feel extra beautiful or glowing. I ended my 2nd pregnancy with high blood pressure and continued to have it off and on throughout my 3rd. I actually became more anxious with each pregnancy rather than more calm. That one really seemed ironic to me. My first pregnancy with Brody, I was blissfully ignorant. I had a fairly easy pregnancy and just assumed I would have a healthy pregnancy and baby at the end. By the time I hit my 3rd pregnancy, I had seen/read/heard so many more stories that I was so scared something would happen to the baby or I. I was more anxious during that first trimester certain it was my turn for a miscarriage. I was so incredibly sick that I would convince myself something was wrong.
I am totally a half-glass-full kind of gal, so this was so new and hard for me.
Thankfully those crazy/anxious thoughts did begin to go away the further along I got in my pregnancy and the more the nausea started to subside. I had actually read during my 2nd pregnancy with Madelyn that nausea was actually a sign of a healthy/growing baby in there so not to think that the nausea meant that something was wrong. It was just part of pregnancy for some women.
I knew I didn’t love pregnancy, but I had definitely gone into this 3rd pregnancy KNOWING it was going to be our very last. I tried my best to appreciate it, enjoy it, and keep a positive outlook throughout it. I looked forward to the day I would get to deliver our last baby because those moments when that baby first arrives are some of my absolute favorites. I’ve always told you guys that I love child birth. I still do love it, but I guess God knew not to make this delivery “text book good” because after sending a second baby to the NICU after it was born; I feel officially DONE welcoming anymore children into our family! It is so stressful and I’m so thankful to have a healthy 3rd baby home with us now to complete our family.
I say all this to let all the women out there know that bringing children into this world is an incredible thing, but it surely isn’t always easy. I think it might be the hardest yet most beautiful thing we do. I know everyone’s story is so different and so many amazing and deserving women out there have hard stories to tell. I think you are all amazing and I hope you know you are not alone. There is someone else out there with the same crazy thoughts you are having or with the a similar difficult journey that you may be embarking on. Don’t feel alone and don’t feel scared to talk about it. You are a rockstar 🙂
Purple Dress photos by Jennifer Lee
Beach photos by Teston Photography
Loved your honesty – and I feel very similar I’m every area. I think that’s why I’m really, truly coming around to being content with two. To go do it all over again, I just don’t think I have the emotional strength. And I’m so glad that you now have the perspective that all of your babies are HERE and HEALTHY and you never have to do it again!
Thanks Tess!! You come from a family of three kids like me, so I know the feeling of maybe wanting another. Of course now that it’s done, I’m so thankful we went for three but there is no doubt those 9 months felt so long!! You have a beautiful family just as it is 😍😍
You gave voice to many of my current emotions right now. I’m currently 15 weeks pregnant with our 3rd and final baby. Like you, my anxiety has only grown with each pregnancy, certain it must be my turn to experience some hardship like so many other women experience. Instead, I’ve had two fantastic pregnancies and equally easy deliveries — but there’s something about this 3rd that makes me feel like I don’t deserve that again, as silly as that sounds. I go in for a gender scan next week and am so anxious to finally call this baby by name. Congrats on your newest blessing — she is precious!
I felt crazy feeling that way too but that was exactly how I felt. I thought I was just due for something because you hear so many hard stories! It will get better and I’m sorry you have to go through that but congratulations on your 3rd pregnancy! I’m so happy we went for 3!!
I’ve been a reader for awhile, first time commenting. 🙂 This post hits everything I’m feeling… I’m 16 weeks pregnant with my third (and last) and still sick. It’s gotten better but it has really made me miserable and forget what it’s like to just feel like a normal person. I am just not one of those women who love pregnancy and I’m so thankful for the opportunity but feel like my due date is so far away. It’s nice to hear I’m not alone in a lot of my thoughts. Congrats on baby #3… and finally being done! 😉
Thanks Cara! I know it’s hard sometimes to feel like we can complain because we should be so grateful that we are actually pregnant. I think we can still feel grateful but that it’s also okay to have feelings that this can be a very difficult process too. I know you have to be close to getting on the other side of nausea and I promise it was crazy how quickly it felt like a distant past once I started feeling good. Best of luck to you on your third pregnancy and congrats!!
This hit home for me as I was sick with my son but so, so, so sick with my two girls. I also feel so blessed to have been able to carry three little humans inside of me but I knew after #3 that we were done. My youngest just turned 2 over the summer and it has been so bittersweet going through all of the “firsts” for the last time. There are moments that I secretly wish for another but then reality kicks in and I realize it’s time to stop having babies and enjoy the process of raising them into the awesome little people they are. Many blessings to you and your beautiful family ❤️
Yes, it can be so tough!! I can imagine getting a little sad seeing each stage go by knowing it’s the last time which is why I’m trying to soak up this newborn stage. I know it’s gone in flash!! I’m looking forward to watching them grow up too!